How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
