oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
