I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
