My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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