are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i believe in u and ur pee
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
