Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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