i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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