***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
