i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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