i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
