there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
