i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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