dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
