She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
