3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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