Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
