If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So many bounce houses so little time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
