No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
