this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
