so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I puked a lego.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
