my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Blood and glitter go together right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
