im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
