I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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