Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
