i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
