He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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