Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
