i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me they were just razor bumps!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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