Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
