No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
