The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like eating out sand paper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
