Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
