just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
