Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
