"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
