I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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