Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
