If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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