My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
