Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize