After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
