Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
