okay pat passed out under dana's car
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
