No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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