just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
