I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
