I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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