No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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