I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
