You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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