the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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