He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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