ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
