took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
