I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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