More tranny stories later!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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