We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
