I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
