and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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