So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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