I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
