My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
