we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
