Do you still have your period?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
