Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
