I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
