I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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