WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
