I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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