3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
