Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
