who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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