I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
