Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
