Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
