apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
