i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
