i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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