Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
