I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
