just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someone came in the potted fern
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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