He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!