Swine flu. Run for my life!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
false alarm, still single
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