M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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